Dear Daughter

“Hey daddy, can you talk now?”

She knew better. When daddy got into the study for those three hours each day, it wasn’t time to ‘disturb’ him. On this day though, like Queen Esther, she hoped I would raise the golden sceptre and make an exception. You know how Daddys are with their daughters. I reluctantly shutdown the laptop I had been working on, turned to her and beckoned that she come in while giving her the look that said *can you see how I am eying you*

I had noticed the long face she wore earlier, as I walked into the living room. At conception she had rejected my long face. Having taken on her mother’s more rounded and subtle features, spotting a long face was easy. Thankfully too, we had grown to know each other well enough that she would readily open up. I was not deceived when she gave off the impulsive “i’m fine” answer to my inquiry as to why she looked unhappy. She would come around soon enough, and well, here she was.

As Charissa walked into the study, I couldn’t help but notice her 15year old figure; now able to remind me of her mother, my little girl was fast becoming a woman. The little girl in her was still alive though and she wanted to sit on my thighs, what are Daddys for after all. After sobbing uncontrollably for a few minutes, she was ready to speak and I had to transfer my big boned teenager to the couch, while subtly reminding her that it wasn’t wise to sit on any man’s thighs.

I know I shouldn’t have but i couldn’t help but roll my eyes back into my head as I asked her what all the initial forming was for when you was just going to crumple like a pack of cards eventually smh. You know all this happened inside my head while I maintained my genuine worried and concerned look. Am i not afraid hehe

“Do you remember when I told you last week that Fred was not talking to me?” She said

“Yes, yes I do. You said you didn’t know why”

“Well, now I know why he isn’t talking to me”

Brief pause please...who is this Fred guy, you asked? Or did you? Anyway...

Fred was her best friend; they had grown up together. Fred’s family lived next door until 3 years ago when Fred’s mother was posted out of the state. Fred now lived with his aunty on the other side of town. Fred and Charissa had done everything together from being born exactly a week apart to attending the same school and sharing the same friends. For us parents, it was great being able to share the task of school runs among the four of us. Everyone thought they were twins, except Charissa’s jealous twin sister lol. So you see, it wasn’t to be taken lightly when Fred and Charissa weren’t talking.

It had happened from time to time but they always made amends by the end of the day, neither could live without the other. To be honest, we were already dreaming about the wedding and grand-children and the bond to be forged between both families. Yes yes, judge me all you want, you would think the same.

I was stunned though, why would she be so torn apart having now found out the cause of the rift between them.

“What is it honey, why is he unhappy with you?”

And then the avalanche started. If all the words she said subsequently were to be written down, there might not be enough space for them all so, allow me summarise please.

Last week, Fred told her she was beautiful. She had responded with a thank you. That didn’t go down well with the young man. Good fellow as he is, he gave it another shot the next day by telling her she looked beautiful in her dress. My darling daughter had responded with “thank you, I know”.

I could still hear the cheeky, friendly tone in her voice despite the tears

Fred had been offended because she didn’t respond to his complement as he would have wanted. Now he felt she was a snub who didn’t think highly of him. As far as he was concerned, she would have turned various shades of pink and purple if one of the boys from the senior classes had said the same words to her. 

Guess who was to blame for all this mayhem?

Yup, you guessed right, Me!!! Well, she didn’t think so but I knew it.

You see, I am fond of telling Charissa and her twin sister how beautiful their mother is and how much they look like her. I would always refer to them as gorgeous princesses. If we were ever late for a church service, it would be because Daddy’s compliment about their outfit had brought on a photo-shoot with yours truly behind the lens.

These actions were not incidental. I had pre-planned to ensure my girls heard it all from me first, before any other man. I wanted them to feel loved, appreciated, cherished and to know their worth before anyone else got a chance to tell them. I wanted them to get used to being appreciated without having to give anything in return. One side-effect was that they had heard about how beautiful and intelligent and great they were so many times that, hearing it from Fred didn’t seem like such a big deal.

I couldn’t blame Fred for expecting a more endearing reaction. Aren’t many girls swept off their feet by a guy who looks at them in the eyes and tells them they are beautiful? While I believe such gestures are wonderful and are important in any relationship, I had always been concerned about the girl who suddenly looses all control of her emotions when a compliment was thrown in her direction.

True story, I was to attend an official event with a classmate once and I had the honour of picking her up from home. As she walked to the door to meet me, I smiled and said ‘you look beautiful’, she did look beautiful. Immediately, she turned orange, hugged me tighter than she ever had and whispered into me “no one has ever told me that. I love you”. I was uncomfortable the rest of the evening, secondarily because the L-word is a very strong one where I come from but primarily because she was all over me the rest of the evening. She grabbed my hands affectionately and wouldn’t stop introducing me as her boyfriend while smouldering me with kisses on the cheek and forehead. I’m not sure why I was unable to stop her right away; extreme politeness or the shock-like state I fell into. 

Things went from bad to worse when she ‘caught me’ talking to another classmate who she thought fancied me. Just like that i had broken her heart, as I realised the next day.

The next week was spent enduring awkward moments in class and answering questions from her friends about why I had broken her heart. My phone was full of hate messages from her. It was torture and why you wonder, because she had never heard those words from anyone, probably not even from herself.

Sadly a good lot of our young ladies turn out this way; ready to do anything for the one man who apparently appreciates them for who they are. After spending many years wondering why they were treated differently, less than their apparently ‘finer’ peers, one day Femi strolls by, notices her, smiles and says hi. Suddenly she is head over heels in love with him desperately clinging to him and ready to do anything to keep him by her side.

Just before you point a finger at the girl and ask her to have some self-worth. Oh father of the daughter, please remember, the world is our mirror and as such, she is going to see herself in the way and manner you have addressed and treated her.

I’m not yet a father he says, but you are a man and a brother to some and a ‘friend’ to many. Please treat her as you would want her boyfriend or husband to treat her. Let her get used to being treated nicely. Let her know she is important and appreciated. Open a door for her, every now and then hehe. Trust me, she will not look twice at that lousy fellow out there, the one you can’t understand why she is dating. She has seen better men.

To the dudes out there with the sweet tongue, I’m not hating mehn. I just want you to get a girl who believes you when you say those sweet words and doesn’t think you’re merely trying to get into her pants. If the last man who called her beautiful was her father or brother and he only meant it to appreciate her, she is more likely to believe you. Abi how you see am?